It’s the most wonderful time of the year……for some people: tips on navigating through the holidays while staying out of emotion mind!
Ah, yes, it is almost Christmas. This time of year can be joyful, bring family and friends closer together, and be an opportunity for us to reflect on all that we have. But it can also be a time of high stress, conflict, and a trigger for painful memories from the past. We might find ourselves easily in emotion mind. Emotion mind is the state of mind where our emotions are in control of us where we are not thinking about consequences or the logical side of things. Sometimes acting out of emotion mind feels really good in the moment but often makes things worse. You might be in emotion mind if you find yourself: binge eating or overeating, lashing out at others, engaging in more substance use, wanting to self-harm, or isolating from the world. For example, you are at a staff meeting at work and your boss is telling you just another thing that the company wants you to do, on top of everything else you are already doing. With your boss looking at you, you roll your eyes and whisper some unkind words under your breath. In the moment you communicated to your boss your frustration, but in the long run you might jeopardize your job and you still have a mortgage to pay. If you know that this is a stressful time of year for you and you might find yourself in emotion mind, keep reading below to find some ideas about how to navigate your way through the holidays while holding on to your sanity (and keeping your job!).
1. Take care of yourself….like for real though. I know, I know. You were hoping for some ground-breaking ideas here but I cannot emphasize the importance of making an effort to take care of yourself. The more we eat in a way that makes our bodies feel good, move our bodies regularly, TRY to get adequate sleep, stay hydrated, and lay off the substance use, the less likely we are to end up in emotion mind (see above for more information about emotion mind). The holidays are already stressful enough so we don’t want to make ourselves even more vulnerable to acting out of emotion mind. Remember small things add up and if you started your day off with doughnuts, don’t throw in the towel for the whole day – just keep trying.
2. Cope ahead. If you know ahead of time you are going to a stressful event (such as with your family), then write out a cope ahead plan. A cope ahead plan involves identifying the emotion/emotions that are most likely to show up in the situation. Next, write out a list of skills you are going to use to cope with these emotions (such as slowing down breathing, going for a walk, listening to music, calling a friend). Lastly, imagine in your minds eye being in this situation. Imagine using the skills you identified, and imagine coping well with the situation. Imaginal rehearsal increases the chances that we will actually respond skillfully. We are NOT trying to plan for every possible scenario or how to respond to every possible thing someone might say to us. We ARE trying to imagine how to cope with emotions that are likely to show up.
3. Self-compassion. Being around family, or not having family or friends to be around, can be very painful. The pain of the situation is enough without adding even more pain by being judgmental and critical towards ourselves. Ask yourself, what would I say to someone I care about who is in this situation? How would I speak to them? You might put your hand over your heart and say to yourself in a gentle, calm voice, “this is really painful.” You might imagine breathing in something you need in the moment such as peace, comfort, or soothing. Remember that we all deserve to nurture ourselves, even if our brain tells us otherwise.
The holidays can be challenging both emotionally and physically, and often it is a recipe for ending up in emotion mind. By taking care of ourselves we can prevent being in emotion mind in the first place, by coping ahead we can get a plan in place for events we already know will be stressful, and with self-compassion we can respond to our own suffering with kindness. Using these strategies together can help us to find our way through the holidays with wisdom and without making things worse. Here is my wish for you:
May you honor what your body needs
May you give yourself the compassion you need
May all living beings be at peace
~ Jodi